I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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