So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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