I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
