Who did Billy Mays play for?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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