I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
