Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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