now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
