i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
