yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All the doctor said was why
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
