i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
