I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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