I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
