last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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