I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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