everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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