Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
