Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
