it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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