I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
