nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
