so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
