can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
