my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
