And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
