and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
