So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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