saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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