Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
