She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You ruined the universe
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
