just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
