Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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