If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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