After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
