I molested 6 butterflies tonight
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
