idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
