You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you win again, gameday.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
