make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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