if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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