its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He felt like a one man threesome
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
