He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
