My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
