I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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