My friends, they love my intelligence
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My ass is underappreciated
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
