Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
