i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
