I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
