you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
