i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
