god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
