HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
