his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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