I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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