69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
