oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
