I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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