Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
