I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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