You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
